How to stay positive through separation and divorce
Updated: May 14, 2020
Does an “easy” divorce exist?
The very simple and only justifiable answer to this question is no.
However things end with your partner, the coupled-up love, the passion, the partnership, and all of the other happy aspects you once shared are now gone.
Understandably, letting go or a marriage or long-term partnership can be an incredibly emotionally-draining experience, and for many, it is one of the toughest transitions we will ever have to make.
If you’re struggling with your decision, or simply need a place to start, head over to our downloadable divorce courses for simple, easy guides through the divorce process.
Whether you have support from friends and family or not, knowing how to stay strong during this difficult time is key to your survival.
While the term ‘survival’ might seem extreme, it is absolutely how you need to look at things right now. Divorce can be an emotional war, and it’s important to acknowledge and honer the difficult process you are undertaking right now.
Please be reassured in that there are lots of things you can do to not only feel better now, but also feel better and happier over the weeks, months and years to come. That’s why we founded Divorce Support Collective — because we’ve been right where you are. We’re passionate about helping you get where you need to go.
How can you stay positive throughout the separation and/or divorce process?
There are many ways you can help yourself through the separation or divorce process.
Here are just a few tips that have been proven to help clients of our divorce support services get through this challenging time. Whether you implement all or just a few of these, you can start to look forward to a more positive, happy future, and to regaining some of the control back in your life.
First, allow yourself the time needed to grieve.
While this might seem a little counter-productive, bear with us here. As an expert provider of global divorce support services, we appreciate the importance of working through your emotions. Whatever the reasons for your divorce, it is an emotionally challenging time, and however you look at it, you are losing something and someone that you at one time believed you would be with for life.
Just as with any emotions we feel in our lifetime, these need to be worked through, and you need to allow yourself the time to grieve this loss. The key to staying in control is to only allow yourself a limited time to grieve, then plan to move forward.
If you haven’t been active in a while or things have fallen by the wayside a little of late; now is the time to start getting active again.
It doesn’t matter what you do, whether it be going to a class, going for a run on your own, swimming, walking or cycling. It has been scientifically proven time and time again that being physically active is one of the easiest ways to boost your energy levels, improve cognitive functions, and lift your mood.
You will start to feel better about yourself, your body will begin to respond, and you will naturally also kick-start improvements in other areas of your life at the same time.
Seek the support you need.
Knowing whom to turn to for help when you are going through a divorce isn’t always obvious.
For many people, going through a separation or divorce can leave them feeling like they have failed; this feeling is perfectly normal. When there are children concerned, those feelings of guilt can compound. As such, it can be hard to involve family or friends, especially as some of these people will probably know your ex-partner and have formed their own relationships with them.
Talking directly with an impartial person, such as therapist or divorce coach, can really help you to normalise some of the things you are feeling after a separation or divorce. Divorce coaching also helps you get direct answers to some of the questions you have.
For many people who are going through a divorce, the simple act of unburdening themselves of some of the emotions they are feeling through meaningful conversation, and having a helpful, caring and supportive voice on the end of the line can transform the way they feel and help give them a degree of focus and clarity through a highly tumultuous period in their life. Consider what support partners you need, and engage them.
Throw yourself into the activities and hobbies you love.
All too often, people can lose sight of their true identity when they are married.
They forget to follow their own passions; they conform to listening to different music, watching different movies, eating different foods, and even forget the hobbies they use to love doing so much. A great way to stay positive through a divorce is to allocate some ‘you time’ and rediscover what you like and what’s important to you today.
Rekindling an old passion or starting something completely new is another firm step forward when it comes to staying strong through a divorce.
Try not to make any drastic changes.
Any decisions you make may be influenced by your stress levels right now.
While it might be tempting to run away to a new country or quit your job or make another drastic change to start fresh, it is important to try and maintain a level of stability in your life while you go through a divorce.
Save your energy for getting through the divorce. More importantly, if there are children involved, tearing them away from their familiar surroundings is only going to cause more negative emotions, and potentially a level of resentment. This will help you to focus on the task at hand and will ultimately result in your energy only being spent on the matters that require your attention.
New schools, new jobs, large purchases, and new serious relationships are all too drastic to properly deal with during a divorce. The easier and simpler you keep things for yourself and your family during this transitional stage in your lives, the stronger you will be in the long run.
Practice gratitude for your recovery.
Gratitude has been scientifically proven to help with focus and energy levels.
What does it mean to “practice” gratitude, exactly? Practicing gratitude is simply the act of looking for the positives in your life and appreciating the things you have today, instead of dwelling on the things you no longer have or what you may have lost.
There is always a positive outlook to be found. Regardless of the issues, you are facing today, there are also positives in your life, and it is these positives elements that you need to hold onto.
If you are interested in enlisting a guide to help you with positive divorce recovery, our divorce coaches can help. Head on over to bespoke services to find out more.
It is perfectly normal to feel the pressure of added responsibilities when you go through a separation or divorce. Whether these be parental, monetary or any other factor, you need to learn how to take time-out, lighten-up and laugh a little. We know it’s hard, but if you’re relatively healthy and have people in life that you love, then you have a reason to smile.
With the enormity of divorce planning, you absolutely need to take care of your priorities. However, you also need to know how to relieve yourself from any stress and how to take time out for yourself.
Make plans for your new, wide-open future.
Future plans don’t need to be extravagant — having something in your diary to look forward to is a great motivator.
Look past the present days, weeks, and even months; and put something in your calendar that you can look forward to. It could be a day out, a night out, a trip to a show or even a mini-holiday — as long as it’s something you feel positively about, then it’s absolutely something you need to do!
Staying strong is the key to surviving, but being positive is the keep to thriving.
You’re already strong — people who have going through a separation or a divorce really understand just how strong you are. You can find your like-minded community on Divorce Support Collective’s Facebook group. Take some comfort in knowing that divorce is simply a process, and right now, you just need to focus on getting from point “a” to point “b.”
Keep your chin up and remember that, regardless of how you’re feeling now, the best part of your life is truly yet to come.
If you want extra support, find out more about our Retreats. They have been created by experts to empower and nurture you to recover and re-design your new life